This is a guest post by the True and Fair Campaign.
SITUATION VACANT for Chief Executive of the Investment Association (IA)
Now that Daniel Godfrey has been pushed out of the Investment Association for apparently having the nerve to suggest that fund managers put their clients’ best interests first, and even worse, for members to be transparent, a successor is being sought.
The prime role of the Investment Association is to defend the indefensible and to ensure that no matter how badly a fund manager is performing, they should never be properly held to account. The Association must ensure investment funds remain as opaque as possible – for example they must never tell customers how much they are truly being charged or where exactly their money is invested.
Salary Package: £532,000 (last year package of previous incumbent)
Job Tenure: Lifetime if applicant endeavours to ensure that industry profit is always put above any form of genuine ethics or principle
Key skills required:
Ability to confuse fact with fiction via misleading random statistics (a mathematics skill would be helpful here)
Ability to pull wool over regulators’ eyes while maintaining a straight, poker-like face
Ability to come up with new reasons, à la Humphrey from Yes Minister, as to why any progressive change that might help the consumer is currently unworkable – technically or financially
Ability to quote ‘unintended consequences’ when all other feeble excuses preventing any pro-consumer reform have been exhausted
Post may suit a politician or failed fund manager.
Inquiries to the Investment Association.
Please reply with your CV to email@example.com
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